numbers and me

i feel as if i owe the whole world some sort of explanation of why i think of numbers as human beings.

it's odd, i'll admit.

but every time i think about, write, or see a number, a certain gender & character is associated.

maybe that's why i'm so terribly bad at math.

let's begin at the beginning.

numbers: a formal introduction.

one.

one is the rebel of all the numbers.

he likes to mimic others and is virtually untouchable.

he would be the "college frat boy" type,

drinking and partying it up while everyone else tries to get to him.

he's always there.

he considers himself a god-like figure,

& he is a gift to the whole world.

two.

two is like your little neice who you love to death.

she's very compliant and loves to do things like paint and be artsy craftsy.

she brings you pictures that she drew of you guys

holding hands and frolicking through flowers that look like aliens,

and you hang them on your fridge.

she is very naiive but people love her.

she's easy to get along with and has a nice, friendly disposition.

she loves everyone.

three.

three doesn't belong.

he is the odd one out, an outcast if you will.

he tries to fit in with the crowd-- that's why he's smoking.

he doesn't know who he is,

and is approximately 13 years old.

people are frightened when he walks by,

and he lurks around corners wearing fedoras & long, black trench coats.

four is a grandpa.

the kind that sits back on the patio and watches birds with his binoculars.

he probably has alzheimers, and can't remember anything.

he doesn't know anyone, but everyone knows him.

& they love him.

he tells them stories, and then wonders who they all are.

he's fabulous.

five.

oh, what to say about five.

she's a reckless being, approximately 19 years of age

and living on the edge.

she's the kind of number you'd get tattoo'd on your left shoulder

and she loves to ride her harley.

she follows bands cross country, and loves it.

six is the high school "perfect being."

he's like the quarterback captain of the varsity football team in high school

who volunteers at the humane society after practice

and has straight A's.

the kind that likes to recycle, and is environmentally friendly.

he wears aqua di gio, and likes astronomy.

in his spare time, he makes robots and plays video games.

he doesn't mind holding your hand in front of people,

and he's preparing for his mission.

seven.

seven is the classiest of the numbers.

he's french, but speaks italian.

he's romantic up to his eyeballs, and brings you flowers just because.

he's a hopeless romantic.

he's vintage, like lace.

he likes to wear french cuff linked shirts.

you find him at a lot of weddings.

reminds me a lot of nick.

eight is a philosopher.

he probably owns an english bulldog and has a freshwater aquarium in his living room.

he loves to give wise advice to all the other numbers

people look up to him.

he's like an old english teacher that taught you more than just english

a "miss shelley" of sorts.

the prophet.

they will have to hold his funeral at lavell edwards stadium to handle the masses attending.

nine is a schoolteacher.

like that first kindergarten teacher,

who, despite the chaos, somehow has everything under control & reads you "the stinky cheese man."

she knows all the tricks, and relates specifically to ages 4-6.

she enjoys naptime and animal crackers,

with the occasional Welch's juice box.

nobody can remember her, yet nobody can forget her.

and that is

numbers: a formal introduction.