the one where I decide to be awesome

this past month we moved into our new house.

and along with that came the ordeal of not having the internet, my computer, and consequently things I admittedly almost need, like Netflix.

During that time! Man! Lots of soul searching, watching movies on the laptop, reading, keeping myself (and Beckham) occupied without our shows and creative outlets, and thinking.

Nick spends a lot of time at the school. Like all day 9-6, comes home for dinner and leaves again until late at night/early morning. I was SO ALONE it was insane.

I took a break from doing work for awhile to figure my life out and get settled. Almost like a reset button?

Here we're in this awesome place. My favorite place we've ever lived, really. It's cute, in the perfect area, near family and friends, and opportunity to do so many fun things. I want to try to make the most of it but I almost feel trapped by all my insecurities, doubts, fears, and flat out laziness. I'll admit that I have slacked a lot. But that's okay. I needed it.

I've learned that I love working. I love it. I don't love how I have yet to master the delicate balance of mom/designer life, but that's okay. We'll figure it out someday.

Being just a mom, though, is difficult for me. Since I had him I've always been working and going to school to keep me occupied outside of being his mom, but now I have to figure out how to do it quietly with no outside noise. It hasn't been easy for me, honestly. I'm not used to being so still. Hopefully, with time, I can learn to do that.

I need to feel pretty and look cute to have a productive day. If I don't get ready in the mornings I will literally stay in my pajamas all day and not leave the house. Ya feel me? 

I've decided that I can't be afraid to be the person I want to be. I just need to get my butt into gear and DO IT, you know? Shia?

I've decided. I'm happiest when I'm creating and sharing. I lack all sorts of confidence but I'm working on it. I'm not going to be afraid of making mistakes or worrying about what others think of me. I'm going to be awesome. 

For starters, I'll admit that I make a really great human jungle gym. See above.